you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
