Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
