i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
