I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
