benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
