Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
