So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
