Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Randomize
