Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I came so hard my ears popped.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
