If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
