Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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