I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
