i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
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