john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
is wine microwaveable?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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