walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
