I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
