I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
