Have you finally orgasmed yet?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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