please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
