When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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