Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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