This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
