my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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