I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
