Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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