I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
