I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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