btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
