So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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