its not stalking. its research.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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