My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
