So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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