did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
