I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
