we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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