i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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