her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
