before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
