ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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