I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
