If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
