haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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