wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
