Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
