Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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