Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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