i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
