If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
