piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
