I think I won the penis lottery.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
