Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
