Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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