i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
