I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
