she woke up with a sticky ear
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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