I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize