i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
