Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
