He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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