THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
