Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
