She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
