I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
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When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
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I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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