So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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