everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
