dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
