My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
