Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
