Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
