marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize